Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
