its not stalking. its research.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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