Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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