I'm going to jail i love you
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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