we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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