I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
