2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
