I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
