girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
