I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
