i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
