i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
