i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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