I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
