This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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