You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
