For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Let's get the cat blown out
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
