Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
