Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
