forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
