that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
