She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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