Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
