that's an acceptable place to lick
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
