I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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