i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
