this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Randomize
