I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
