And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
