The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
