carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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