That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
