As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
