Is it normal to miss your booty call?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
