I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
