Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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