I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize
