I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
