apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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