Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
