I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
