I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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