her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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