Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
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