I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
