He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
