nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
