Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
only you would photoshop your dick
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
