College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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