A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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